Ups and downs

Last Monday I got caught up at work, then stuck in traffic and was going to be horribly late to cycle so I switched to Tuesday. As I sat at home relaxing for once on a week night it sunk in.

All the doubt and question. Why the fuck am I doing this? No one at work cares if I'm an Ironman. None of my friends care if I'm an Ironman, and quite honestly, I think some of them would prefer I did stop training for this. My family isn't going to love me any differently.

Luckily instead of sitting in this self created shit storm, I decided to reach out a friend that is an Ironman. I asked her why the fuck am I doing this? All she replied with was her experience at the finish line. It all clicked back into sync. Oh yeah idiot, you're doing this for yourself. NO. ONE. ELSE.

So they say right when you're ready to give up you have a breakthrough, so keep going. In class the next day, I killed the workout. Two days later on Thursday, I killed it again. My instructor decided I need to do a Time Trial (TT) a few weeks ahead of the class because I had improved so much in 7 weeks. He mentioned he thought I might set a record for improvement in that sort of time. Talk about breakthrough!

Just a few weeks ago I couldn't get comfortable in the saddle, and kept shifting around. I would have burst of power and energy but would cringe at the words active recovery, because on my rest, I wanted to do that, stop and rest. And now I'm settling in quickly to the class, putting out consistent power and able to push the bar higher each time. Now I'm pumped to take feeling of improvement and get my ass into the pool, because my swim will get better. And get more into my long runs, because they'll get easier.

They also say after a breakthrough comes great catastrophe. So I won't say it was a great catastrophe, but it's been frustrating. I woke up the morning of my TT with a terrible, deep cough and painful sore throat. I've been telling the BOMF guys all week not to run if it's below their neck, so I need to follow my own advice. And here I am 4 days since my last activity and I'm fucking BORED out of my mind. I'm nervous that I'm losing fitness and power during my forced break.

Being bored gives me a lot of time in my own head. I sit here being jealous of every one's long rides and runs showing up all over Facebook today. So I decided to clean. As I was cleaning I started to fear what my life will be like on the other side of Ironman. I've strived my entire adult life to be a well-rounded person with diverse interests and activities. I cannot let the greatest challenge of my life be the only thing that defines me.

So as I started the day bitter that my higher power decided to give me a mandatory time out, I find myself winding down the day grateful. I'm not sure how I keep the Ironman from being my only focus, because I do spend so much time on it, but it will hopefully allow me to manage ups and downs a little better. I'm glad I'm thinking about my life post Ironman now instead of being blindsided and devastated in November, not knowing what the fuck I'm going to do the next morning when I wake up.

Not to mention the lower level of my house no longer look like an episode of horders!