I got a badass scar

On the way back to Indy, I figured life would run at the same speed, only down a wing. Ha, that's fucking funny. I was down like 200 wings. After the Meltdown in Lingerie I got back to work on Tuesday after a trip to my primary care doctor. I was the first patient of the morning and she said "oh hell ya you're going to need surgery" then apologized that her filter didn't work that early in the morning. She gave me the referral to go see OrthoIndy. I texted my friend Dr. Tim and he gave me the number to his scheduler. I called and was on my way to an appointment, she just had to talk to Tim to get me in.

Work was slow. I was pretty much a dead weight. Everything made me tired. A shower that morning should have called for a two hour nap and here I was at work. We had the Marathon Relay that upcoming weekend and I couldn't be home sleeping. Later that night I had a friend come over and do my laundry and make me dinner. This entire accident has me out of my comfort zone asking for help. I really struggle. She told me to sit down and let her cook as I was trying to do some of it. So I surrendered and sat down as she told me. Brian came over later too, they said they were laughing at me as I was passed out with this huge smile on my face. That's what pain meds will do to you!

Wednesday I went to work planning like I was going to be there all week. At 5:30PM that night I listen to a message from the PA for Tim. He asks that I come at 9AM instead of 12 and that I come fasting ready for surgery at 2:30PM, just in case I need it. It would be easier to cancel it than to schedule it. My head jumped and skipped like 50 thoughts. Like surgery, like tomorrow?! WTF, how would everything get done for the relay? Liz is a hard worker, but it's more than one person at this point, I had scheduled myself for Friday to go all over town picking up things. F-U-C-K. I was not prepared for this. I talked to Tim and he explained he wasn't sure I needed surgery, but we'd discuss that tomorrow. He said if I wasn't prepared to have it, that was okay, but he would then need to refer me to someone as he was going out of town for a few weeks.

I immediately thought of my friend Tracy, she has flexibility, I wonder if I can get her to help Liz. Tracy agreed in a heartbeat, what a wonderful help. Having Tracy to help and knowing Liz was on it, I felt 100% comfortable about giving up any last control of the relay and letting it go. Tim assured me I would be able to go make a visit to the relay after.

Within less than 17 hours later I was meeting with Tim. The Xrays had shown that the gap between the two bones was bigger than he felt comfortable leaving to heal on its own. The decision was completely mine, but we talked long and in-depth about surgery. I felt this was the right decision to make. I didn't want to go through 10 weeks of rehab only to find out I needed surgery anyway and have to start all over again. Tim said surgery is 2:30, not sure the location yet. I take my car back to work so it can be used for the relay and Brian takes me to surgery. We get our location as we're about to head out. 

I get prepped for surgery and my first nurse is hysterical! She takes all my nerves away. She makes me tell a story about Tim running with the Veterans team on Friday mornings to his number one fan and crush. She says he's a white Denzel Washington, I can see it too! She needs a urine sample so I walk down the hall with my hand on my hip because that feels most comfortable on my arm, she calls me a diva walking the runway - ha!

I talk to all the people that are going to give me great things like two nerve blocks and anesthesia. I say good bye to Brian and I'm off to get prepped. I tell you, I go under easy because that shit they gave me before the two nerve blocks relaxed me so much even though I knew it hurt like hell with those shots. I get rolled into the OR, remember seeing a crew of like 10 people, including Tim. They get me to move over, I remember telling them all thank you in case I was passed out later and then I awoke in recovery. I was tossing and turning, I sat up a bit and asked the nurse if I could have something to drink because it taste like a cat shit in my mouth.

She got me a drink and transferred me to Amy aka Sass' care. She told Amy that I told her that a cat pooed in my mouth to which I screamed "no, I said it tasted like a cat SHIT in my mouth." I remember singing "roll out" as they rolled me down the hall. I wanted my after care nurse Jeff to sing Regulators with me, he said he didn't know the words so I said "look them up online."

Tim told Brian after that it was broken in 4 places and was a bit more difficult than he expected. It took longer than he had planned. He told Brian the helmet saved my life as I hit harder than people realize. The helmet. So after I posted on FB about my brand new $240 Giro Air Attack helmet being garbage after one wearing, a few awesome things happened. A Female Pro Triathlete said she wanted to send me one of her own helmets and the incredible staff at the Endurance House said they would take care of me when I'm ready to get back at it. What amazing blessings!

Me and my shoulder (maxipad?) the morning after

So fast forward a week and a day later and I'm typing like a champ and about to attempt my first night of sleep without any pain killers. Which is a damn good thing because they are making me depressed! I was so full of piss and vinegar to make a come back. I was full of gratitude (which I still am!) but I'm kinda down and feel like I could crawl under a rock and just fade away. I've been up and down for a few days. I want people to know I'm not super human. I get in shitty moods; in fact people that know me the best know that I can get moody. I face depression, most days I tell it to take a hike. But the past few days I can't seem to shake it. But pity party of 1, get your shit together, pull your shit up by your boot straps and figure it out. Sometimes we need the bad to recognize the good. It can't all be good, if it were, life would honestly get pretty dull.

I feel like I'm drinking from a fire hose right now, tons of personal and work things all coming hurling at me at once. A broken clavicle and surgery was just the icing on the shit cake. But I need to stop and think about all the people that took time out of their day to come help me, bring me food, fold clothes, just check on me. I need to think about Tim who completely rearranged his day and the end of his week to make sure I was given the best care from someone I trust with my life. I need to think about people who are struggling with far more than I am. Chin up is one of my favorite things to say, because it's true. Chip up a little higher makes you feel just a little bit better. So Chin up Chrissy. Do it for all the people who are here to help you, but most importantly, do it for yourself.

Don't let this badass new scar get you down. Let it remind you of the path you're on, there's dips and peaks, smooth roads and shitty roads, but it's a beautiful gift and don't waste a minute feeling sorry for yourself, instead listen to the crowd cheering you on and keep moving one foot in front of another.

*A huge thank you to everyone who has sent me encouragement in every way possible. My friends that have brought me meals, companionship and love, my coach who has talked me through the ups and downs, my best friend Brian who is just the best, my parents who love and support me in every way possible, my medical team including my incredible surgeon Tim, who right now is taking on the Big Foot 120 in Washington and while raising money for Back on My Feet. Read more about him and give a few dollars if you can. GO TIM GO!

The devil went down to Georgia looking for a PR to steal

After a month of not knowing if I was coming or going working 12-17 hours a day, I was finally on my way to Georgia to race Ironman Augusta 70.3. Since my race in Chicago at the end of August, I hadn't been on my bike much more than a few times, had been in the pool twice and the longest run was 11 miles in a prison yard (.29 mile loops) a few weeks prior.

At first I wasn't going to race it, my left shoulder was still giving me some trouble and the lack of training had me apprehensive. But then I decided to just go make it a long training day and enjoy the scenery. After all, I wasn't going to get the $350 registration back and I had already pre-paid the hotel. It was difficult to find someone to take 3 days off work to drive with me so I hit the road solo. My best friend Andrea booked a ticket days before to come join me from Miami and my friend Stephanie came over from Atlanta. All three of us have been through some emotionally draining shit lately, so we booked some massage, pedicures and manicures and made it a girls weekend with a half Ironman on Sunday.

Getting to the expo got me so excited! There's an electricity in the air that just gets you jazzed up. I was actually excited for the race and ready to go all out. During my walk into the expo I met a girl doing her first 70.3 in my age group, I thought back to my first race, it's such a blur yet sometimes seems like yesterday, so I was excited for her. I randomly started talking to a guy next to me in the Athlete's meeting. I then noticed he had an IMAZ14 shirt on, so we started talking about the hell of the wind on the bike. We continued to talk and realized that he was in the group that came out to cheer me on at the finish in 2013. He introduced me to his wife as "this is the girl I told you about" and we took a picture.

I picked up Andrea and we met Stephanie and the three of us laughed all night long. It was good, I hadn't really laughed like that in a very long time. We enjoyed a cheap and good southern breakfast, I did a quick brick workout and we took SassyRoo to transition. We then went for our pedicures and manicures and then met friends from RAINstorm (they blame me for doing their first 70.3) for dinner. Super low key day, it was great to rest up and hang out.

Woke up and it was race day! Stephanie and Andrea got to experience the pre-race ritual which includes getting up very early! I had to get creative with putting on my race tats on the left arm since it was taped up. I got to transition in plenty of time, set my stuff up, caught the shuttle to swim start and the nerves started to kick in. I knew the swim was going to be fast with the current, but I wasn't sure how fast. I knew I could handle the bike after training in Brown County this year and the run was flat and there was a big crowd, so I knew I'd keep running. I ran into Jen who was up from Jacksonville and found Stephanie and Andrea. Next thing I knew I was in line with my age group and ran into my friend Laura from Arizona.

 The swim was fast. It was hot in a long sleeve wetsuit, but my longjohn gives me panic attacks. I was definitely overheated a bit, but it was nice to see the bouys going by so quickly. Out of the water in 37, I was super happy about that. It's a long run to transition, I was having a hard time catching my breath, so I walked most of it.

Eight minutes later I was out on the bike, I saw Andrea and Stephanie again and also saw Richard, Heidi's friend and dad. I was making sure to not go too fast out on the bike, I wanted to have a nice negative split. I looked down at one point and was going 19 and felt like I was barely pushing it. I felt a tap on the shoulder and it was my friend Dave whizzing by. At mile 6 I swore my tire was flat so I got off to check, it was fine, not sure what was making noise, but it took me a few minutes of waiting to find a good spot to merge back into bike traffic.

As I'm making my way up a small climb, I move to the right since I'm a slow climber, people are passing 3 and 4 wide at this point, it's pretty busy and congested. A women looks at my leg as she's passing and says "you're doing this solo? You're my hero." I think whatever, I get that a lot, there's a fat girl doing it all by herself, she's nuts. As I was lifting my head to say thank you that movement causes my front tire to ever so slightly move to the right, when I look back down, it takes my front tire completely off the road and the lip of the pavement is too much for me to safely return to the road. My back tire never leaves the road, my my front tire causes me to flip over the handle bars and I land on my left shoulder and head, then my left hip hits the road. The impact causes my clips to come loose from the pedals and my bike lands to the side of me. For a split second I think I'll get up and ride the rest of the course. But feeling that I don't have much road rash, I knew that something in my shoulder was broken, so I hit the end button on my Garmin. That pained me, I was on my way to a killer PR. When I crashed at about mile 26.7 I was averaging 17.5 That is huge for me. I knew I had a 3 or 3:15 half marathon in me. I was looking at a 7:20 finish, an HOUR PR. This Sun Devil was a sad panda.

There's a guy that turns around to see the crash and he stops. I ask him to not ruin his time helping me and he said he's not going to leave me. He moves SassyRoo to the side of the road and he helps me sit up. I ask him to go and just tell someone that I'm down here. I sat on the side of the road with my back to the traffic and some people are asking if I'm okay. The response the same "please let someone know I'm down here" and then a woman named Carla stops. I ask her not to ruin her time, she says she's going slow today and it's fine. She let me call Brian from my cell phone so he can tell Andrea that I crashed and to meet me in medical. She helps me to my feet and props me up against the guard rail. From there I'm cheering people on as they go by. Until I feel like I'm going to pass out from the pain, then I stop. Luckily not long after that an Ironman employee Graham comes with a Sheriff. They put my bike and stuff in the truck and the Sheriff and I wait for an ambulance. They say it's been a busy day for crashes and there's only one ambulance left on the course. They come and I swear it's two EMT that got their degree from the TV order Sally Struther's school for EMTing. This guy wraps an ace bandage around my neck, not sure what that was supposed to do, I think he was trying to make a sling. They tell me that they'll have to transfer me to another ambulance so they can get back on the course.

The other ambulance comes and transfers me. I ask if I'm going to get charged for two rides, seems like a legit question. The guy in the back with me takes my vitals including my blood sugar. I laugh, that's probably sky high since that's all the nutrition for the day is, sugar. He is very nice and hugs me when we go over bumps to minimize the pain. He's a nice guy, he can do it anytime...ha. We stop and I ask what's going on. His partner says there's a guy who just got pulled over by a cop and he pulled a guy on her. What?! My first ambulance ride and gun shootout, are fucking kidding me?! They give me the play by play since I can't see it. The cop pulls her gun, wrestles the guy to the ground and arrests him. We're back on our way, this went down steps from the bike course, it could have been another Puerto Rico!

Finally TWO hours after my crash, I made it to the hospital, found Andrea and Stephanie shortly and was able to get into some dry clothes. I was able to get my Back on My Feet tank off with help, the sports bra they had to cut off. They took xrays and confirmed it was busted pretty bad, they gave me some pain killers and and I was discharged by 3:30PM. Andrea was nice enough to get my gear from the race site for me after Dani from Ironman got it all together.

Andrea drove me back to Atlanta and Brian flew down so he could drive me home. Sass offered to come down on her day off to drive me back and was nice enough to take Brian to the airport. Allison also offered to drive back with me, as did Stephanie. My mom of course was ready to fly plane herself to get down to her baby as soon as possible! I'm so proud of my mom, she stayed calm. She always said she would never forgive herself if something happened to me on that bike.

End to the girls weekend

The drive back was full of lots of "oh" and "ouch" whimpers as we hit bumps and turns and rumble strips (what the fuck Brian!? love you!) and we made it home.

It would be easy to have a pity party. To cry and be sad. But I am embracing the silver linings:

I am so lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family that would do anything to help me! I am overwhelmed with the offers to bring food, come by and entertain me, clean, go to the store, wash my hair, mow my lawn, feed my cats, etc. I'm getting better at asking for help and allowing people to help me. I always get bummed out when someone won't let me help them, so I'm going to let people help me. As Mr. Rogers says, there are people who want to help, just look around. 

I'm also so lucky that I got a new helmet on a whim. I'll save more about my helmet for my next post about my surgery. I'm lucky that this happened going up hill and not down, I would very likely be sausage meat right now, some of the hills I was going faster than 40mph down. I am lucky there were people there to help me. I'm lucky that I didn't take anyone else out in the crash. I'm lucky I didn't do more damage to me or SassyRoo. I'm just lucky and full of gratitude.

Looking back at old posts, my left shoulder has been giving me shit since 2012. I can get it properly fixed and come back like the bionic woman. I suck at training and eating well, so I can slow the fuck down already and work on losing weight. Spend a season getting lean and building muscle. I can figure out what is really important to me and do things of quality and not quantity. I can thank God for the miracles and work on the relationships that matter.

I can use this  to set an example to the members of Back on My Feet that it's how you react to the curve balls, how you make the best of a bad situation that make you resilient. It's how you get up after you fall that matters in life. I'm going to come back stronger, smarter and more grateful than ever!

Congratulations to all my kick-ass friends who had great races in Augusta & Chattanooga that day!

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, comments, cards, calls, texts, meals and visits.