Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

One week bike rental $265

Luggage fee to haul helmet, cycle gear and shoes $25

A new focus and motivation by knowing the course PRICELESS

"That course is flat as a pancake, piece of cake" I call BULLSHIT. While the course is not hilly, nor the most challenging course I've ridden, I can certainly say it's not flat. As a smart person on Facebook said: "didn't we learn from Columbus that nothing is really flat?"

Since my parents moved to Rio Verde I've driven the Bee Line highway countless times. Going 80 miles an hour, it feels pretty flat and the inclines fly by. Nothing could prepare me better than riding the course myself. 

I went back and forth about renting a bike while I was home for Christmas. It's a lot of money, time away from my parents, a lot of extra shit to haul 3,000 miles. But I'm so glad that I did. I'm a big fan of bullets, so here's what I learned:

• Computrainer is WORTH EVERY PENNY!!! I dread going because I know it's an ass kicking, I leave feeling strong like a motherfuckin' ox. I cleared 22 miles in 1:18. My first sprint tri in 2011 it took me 56 minutes to go 10 miles. I'm faster and stronger. and there's still 11 months to go before race day! (disclaimer: my bike is definitely better than the '11 one)
• The last mile before the turnaround on the course is a challenge. It's not flat. In fact the last 4 or 5 miles is a false flat.
• Like a bad case of herpes (so I've heard), the wind can flare up outta no where.
• It's dry. It's been 10 years since I've lived here and I forgot how dry it is. My entire nasal system is dry (how does my nose then drip like a faucet??) and my lips get dry. Pack lots of aquaphore, check.

I want to go harder and better. I want to get faster and rock this race. This experience gives me an entire new focus and dedication to my training. Riding this course made it more real. I will push myself a little more each day.

Crazy to think in 11 months, god willing, I'll be an IRONMAN. Crossing that finish line where I started the journey 15 years ago, to live my life to the fullest. Crazy to think that 15 years ago, when I started that journey I wanted to die. The pain of the journey was just too great and I didn't think I could go on. A story for another time, but I'm so glad I dug in and fought my fears, because the reward is sweet.

I can't wait to go harder. be better. go faster. feel stronger.

"You know that feeling when you're in too deep, and then you make it out, the taste so sweet. sweet" -Dave Matthews

Merry Christmas and thank you to my parents, family and friends for all your support.

I thought this only happened in movies... and Hong Kong

I ran over to Ohio with my friend Marti to cheer her on in a cyclocross race. (by ran I mean we drove hellof fast in a soccer mom minivan) After watching her badass bike moves on the course we headed our adventure back home. I must say I find this style of racing intriguing, but I will wait until after IMAZ to give it a whirl. Not to mention slinging my ham hock thighs over the bike frame to hurl myself up muddy hills would be quite a challenge on its own.

After a short adventure at the Griswold style cut your own Christmas tree farm and a tasty lunch at a local Cracker Barrel wanna be dairy we got into a conversation about massages. I recalled my trip to Hong Kong in 2006 and got a in-room massage after a long 29 hour trip. The tiny little lady that showed at my door was practically dropping from the ceiling jamming her elbows into my back. I was screaming in pain into the pillow and ever so grateful when the 30 minutes was up.

So this afternoon I went in for my massage as I decided to try Massage Envy. I had another tiny Chinese woman give me a great massage, she did a great job of readjusting her pressure based on my reactions to the discomfort. I must say I really miss the days of when a massage meant a wonderful, relaxing experience which usually included a nap. She tells me that the muscle running on the outside of my shin bone is the tightest she's ever felt, no wonder my ankle was a hot mess a few weeks ago. She rubbed my lower back and it felt like she was rubbing bone, but it was a fucking tight muscle. She slowly worked it out and I was happy to find someone who was able to give me a deep tissue massage with the all the effectiveness without bringing me to tears of pain.

Then, the craziest thing happened. No, not that Gary, get your head out of the gutter. She climbed up on the table and started using her knees to massage my glutes (ass for those that don't know...) WTF. I was dumb founded and surprisingly amazed/embarrassed at how well it worked. Then she stands up and uses one heel of her foot to dig into my hamstrings. Double WTF. Sister has some good balance, was she in Cirque du Soleil?? (good thing I googled that first, I've been spelling it wrong all these years) Isn't this the shit that happens in movies?

It was weird, but nearly as weird as creepy Vicky at LTF and so fucking effective, so I rebooked. I guess I can live with weirdness if it works as foam rolling was SO much less painful tonight.

time to go decorate my tree so my ornament isn't alone on the tree

Dizzy from all this spinning

IMAZ is less than a year away. I've really embraced my training and have done more in the last four weeks than I think I did all last season. After reviewing my training "plan" I built from last year with people, the common reply was "how did you finish??" Which I said "fuck if I know!"

Let's be honest my plan was:

-Run/walk 3 days a week with BOMF

-Bike 1 day a week with the cycle group and toward the end at the Cycle Studio

-Swim two days a week, But in all honesty I usually overslept and missed

-One open water swim a week which I refused to try to do the full 1.2 mile lap figuring I was slow and would hold everyone up

Between Muncie and Cedar Point I was on my bike 2 times, one of which was the Chicago Tri.

Christ on roller skates. That half took me more than 9 hours and no way should have. Lesson learned.

So LTF had a contest to send in your story for some sweet prizes. I decided to figure out a way to try to summarize my story enough for them to be at least mildly interested to read it. So I'm going to share what I submitted as I doubt mine will ever get selected. For me there's some brutal, blunt in your fucking face honesty down below..

Many people don't know why I even started all of this in the first place. So here's the 30,000 feet view. Why do I stay? Because of shit like the last four weeks and today. If I can see that much improvement in four weeks, then what can I see in a year. I CAN finish that full 140.6 miles in a few more hours it took me to go 70.3. Holy Fuck, that's mind blowing to me. It's a long road and I have little room for error, but I'm off to a good start.

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Have you ever tried on a wetsuit? Well, when you're overweight, it reminds you of a sausage being stuffed into a casing. I tried to avoid having to face the wetsuit for months, but when you're a triathlete swimming in 62 degree water, you can't avoid it. I've been writing funny little passages on my blog called "Sausage in a Wetsuit" that show the real side of a triathlete who doesn't look like a triathlete going for real and tough goals.

My journey is like so many others, trying to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Where my story continues to be real is I haven't achieved maintained success on the first try, or the fifth try. I'm still working on it and I'm still fighting with struggles. I read so many stories where someone gets the motivation to get their life together and boom, at the end of the story, they've gotten it and they're maintaining it. What about the rest of us? The ones that lose 40 pounds, keep it off, but still struggle to get the other 60 pounds off, then eventually put 10 back on? That's my story.

In August 2009 I was woken up by a phone call by my Lifetime Fitness trainer. I had overslept my session AGAIN, money wasted by my lack of motivation. Katie asked me the question of my life "what's going on with you?" My response broke me immediately into tears and I couldn't hide any longer. My eating, my health, MY LIFE was out of control; I didn't love myself and spent all my time taking care of others instead of myself. I needed help so I finally swallowed my pride and asked for it. I worked with my trainer and nutritionist to work on a plan that focused on proper exercise and eating, mainly portion control and I lost 40 pounds in 4 months.

My friend challenged me to a half marathon in Miami Beach in March 2010. I accepted the challenge and registered. Although in the back of my mind I figured I'd end up dropping out and cheering her on. I signed up for a training class and the first training run I walked. And I struggled to even walk a mile. My ankles burned and were tight, I was miserable. I told the coach I was going to quit, but he told me come back, go a step further every time, and every time it would hurt just a little bit less. I made it to the finish line of that race. Once I did, I was hooked, I ran 3 more half marathons that year; slow and usually one of the last to finish, but I finished.

In 2011 I decided I wanted to get into triathlons. Knowing nothing about the sport, I bought a hybrid bike and entered my first sprint distance. I prepared by going to spin classes, joining the LTF Master's Swim and keeping up my running. The first time I went to try on a tri kit I had to purchase from the men's selection and felt like I was wrapped in plastic wrap. My feet hit the pool deck with huge thuds compared to the small and trim athletes around me. It was really the first time in my life I couldn't hide behind clothes, all my rolls and fat where on display for everyone to see. I saw my cycle instructor and was introduced to some other members who would later become some of my best friends. I finished the season having completed four sprint triathlons and the Chicago Lifetime Fitness Olympic distance triathlon. Pretty much dead last, but I've got the medals and finisher times forever.

In 2012 I upped my game. I registered for 2 half marathons, 2 sprint tris, 3 Olympic and 2 Half Iron distances (70.3 - one of which would be downsized due to weather). I joined a tri team and found a community of support that I didn't know existed. I knew that when I joined that tri team my life would change forever and I really debated if I was ready for it. I got a fancy tri bike and had all the equipment, I looked the part. But I still was a good 80 pounds heavier than my competitors, so by the sheer fact of physics, I usually finished last. I started a blog to document all the humorous things that happened to me along the way. On this blog I revealed my inner most secrets and fears, I figured if I was going to heal and be able to continue to improve my life, I had to put brutal honesty online for anyone and everyone to read. This blog ended up inspiring many and people I didn't even know would come up to me at the gym recognizing me from reading my blog after friends had shared it. I became the underdog that everyone cheered for. Some races I wanted to quit, and  it took every ounce of my courage to keep going, but knowing that I had a ton of blog followers that didn't want to read about me quitting keep me digging deep. I had friends emailing me telling me how I had inspired them to change their life.

When the day came that I competed in my first 70.3 race I took my spot at the back of the line like usual. But the emotion of accomplishment took over me. I found myself crying many times on the bike and run, crying because I was so PROUD of myself. Proud of what I was doing, my determination and my drive. When I got off the bike and started the run, I told a friend cheering me on that I couldn't walk a mile 3 years ago, but today I was going to be a half ironman and go 70.3 miles. I enjoyed every minute of that miserable 13.1 mile run. I rubbed terrible blisters and could feel every ounce of fat on my bones. But I kept a smile and cheered everyone else running with me on the course. I entered the finisher's chute and the tears dried, the pride beamed from my eyes and my smile couldn't be missed. The announcer made a big deal of my finish and I was greeted by all my friends. The race was not easy, it took me more than 9 hours. When I finished there were people finishing their 140.6 race at the same time. But I didn't let it tarnish the feeling I had that day. I did it and I wanted more.

I've finished 12 half marathons, 6 sprint triathlons, 4 olympic triathlons and one 70.3 triathlon in 30 months and all at approximately 225 pounds. I have registered for the 2013 Ironaman Arizona on November 13. I have under a year to lose about 80 pounds (an Olsen twin as I like to joke) so I can compete to the best of my ability in the race of my life. Every race I know that my weight holds me back from getting faster. I know this is the key to going from completing to competing. People are amazed at what I've accomplished at my weight and I know that I've got more to accomplish. I know that I can do this with loving myself and the support of all my amazing family and friends.

This is where my story ends, for now. As the days ahead of me unfold I'm working to raise more than $10,000 for Back on My Feet in honor of my first Ironman (a program that helps homeless veterans repair their lives through the base of a running program, where I volunteer 3 days a week to run with veterans at 5:45 AM). I'm also working to lose at least 50 pounds before the next triathlon season starts, building my base and increasing my strength. My hope is that when I go to get a new wetsuit in the spring, I'll feel more like a cocktail weenie than a sausage in the dressing room.

blog is sausageinawetsuit.blogspot.com - note: content contains explicit language