Monday, August 19, 2013

30,000 feet; makes me wanna puke

This past Saturday marked 3 months out from Ironman Arizona. I started the day with a mile open water swim then headed out for a 62 mile bike ride. I popped a spoke on my back wheel of my ZIPP around mile 16 and my ride was over. I was so bummed fucking pissed.

Trying to look to the silver lining I thought it was better to happen in a training ride and not the big race. Sunday I went out for another go. At mile 20 with my gears feeling really slow, I stopped to spin my back wheel. It didn't even make it all the way around. Jesus Christ. I centered my wheel and it was like night and day.

Here I am 3 months out and still making stupid, rookie mistakes. I know better than to not check my wheels after putting it back on the bike. The rest of my 70 mile ride was MUCH better, amazing what proper working equipment will do.

70 is my longest ride to date. I went home and fell asleep after lunch. Woke up and felt like I got run over by a truck. I FREAKED out, how in the hell was I going to go another 42 miles then run a marathon? The view of the Ironman from 30,000 feet makes me want to puke. Not nearly as bad as a year ago, but it still freaks me out.

After calming myself down I thought back to just a few months ago. A 50 mile ride was a huge deal. I had prepare the night before, pack my stuff and go to bed early; just like a long ride. Now it's no big deal. 50 miles is just a medium ride, I don't even think about it before I roll out. I don't have to hype myself up for it. I'm trying to remind myself it will all come together. I have a great coach, nutritionist and plenty of friends to guide me. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

A friend shared this bit with me:
"that's called an epiphany, not a freak out. A freakout does not provide opportunity to grow, an epiphany does"

I was in New Orleans a few weeks ago for a board meeting and convention. People I haven't seen in two years were telling me they read every blog I post and I inspire them. One of my friends that avoids social media has my blog on her bookmark bar. I'm getting much better at accepting those compliments and saying thank you. I've never been good at that, usually I feel the need to reply with a compliment back. One of the guys on our Back on My Feet has been helping me with that. Just another example of how I get out just as much as I give by being involved.

One of my friends and I went to Tarot card reader in a voodoo shop. It was just for fun. You know those cards can be applied to anything going on your life. Basically said I needed to let go of a resentment where I felt betrayed and then I could experience full happiness in all aspects of my life. She also said I was playing a role in a bigger picture now and hadn't fully embraced it.

As silly as the experience was, it's really caused me to stop and reflect. Training for an Ironman is so much more than the physical. It's more about the mental. Sharpening my mental focus and pushing myself beyond whatever I thought possible. In the past two weeks of reflection I've started to let go of this resentment I've been carrying for far too long. It's freeing, but a little scary. In a weird way the resentment has protected me from being vulnerable. Being vulnerable sucks, I hate it. But I often forget that being vulnerable can sometimes open me to amazingly beautiful experiences.

I spent this past weekend with lots of different friends; some of which have come with my new tri way of life. I really loved it. People who love me for who I am. I don't have to dumb myself down or talk myself up. People who have seen me at my best and my worst and it doesn't change their opinions of me, one would even argue it makes them love me more. Friends who inspire me more than I could ever express. Just another gift of my journey on the road to Ironman.

In my career I've been blessed that I can be both strategic and operational. Help develop the high-level big picture and then break it into operational tasks to achieve that strategy. So it's a bit out of my comfort zone to be struggling with the overall picture of Ironman right now. But I need to trust in my training and wait for the big picture to come together November 17.

Monday, August 5, 2013

PR in Benton Harbor

Steelhead 70.3 was the 2nd major race on the road to Ironman. I had some nerves going into this race, mainly because I knew I needed a good race coming off Kansas heading into Arizona. I guess I needed it mentally to know that the Arizona finish was still a possible reality. Because after Kansas, I had my doubts. The past three weeks in training have been a struggle, I've been getting the time in, not really able to find the inner drive to push myself. Luckily last weekend I awoke from the fog with a renewed motivation.

After Saturday's practice swim, bike and run my nerves disappeared. The swim felt good, we were swimming the direction they suggested for race day, even though against the current, but Steelhead is known for a fast swim since they swim the swimmers with the current. The bike felt incredible, Sassyroo felt like she was one with the road. My run was pretty strong as well; easily within my 13 minute training runs.

I was ready. It was all mental at this point. Get my head in the game. I know a ton of people racing. I knew that on the bike I needed to keep my head forward and not keep an eye out for anyone I knew. I was going to follow my nutrition perfectly. I needed to also keep the same strategy for the run. And push myself past comfortable, it's okay for it to hurt.

                                      Back on My Feet - Kelly, Brian and I before the swim

Race morning they had us swim South to North. You have to walk a mile on the beach to get to the swim start. It's an awful pre-race activity if you ask me. As we're walking to the start it's hard not to notice that the current is flowing North to South, not South to North. Um, aren't we going to be swimming into the current? I figure they know something we don't so I didn't worry.

True to form I'm one of the few without their wetsuit on, water temp was 67. The waves are pretty rough swimming out to the first buoy, so most people are wading out instead of swimming. I got to the first buoy and started off. For the first time in a race I was right there with my  cap color. I didn't see the next color come through until buoy three, so I was cruising right along. I was swimming the most consistent, strong swim I have in a race, ever. I was at 17 minutes at 1000 meters, at this rate it's going to be one hell of a PR on the swim. It's definitely wavy, but I'm going with the flow. I see a lot of people breast stroking and back stroking. A few people hanging on to kayaks and buoys. Right around the orange buoys (half way heading back) the swim starts getting rough and my time is slowing down. I'm trying not to get upset, but I keep thinking "fuck, I thought this was a fast swim?? What am I doing wrong?" I must have kicked a woman backstroking as she screams "what the fuck" I don't even apologize. It's an open water swim, it's going to happen. I got kicked, clawed and someones beard swam by and gave me some rash on my shoulder, it happens. I only paused 3 times to pull up my shorts (if you know how to put in a drawstring, let me know).

Running up the beach was terrible. I was thinking I love the beach but hate sand. Brian tapped my shoulder as he ran by and I made my way to my bike.

Transition is SUPER long and NARROW. It's a giant clusterfuck and I probably wouldn't do that race again for that reason. I tried my best to clean all the sand off my feet, but I failed as the sand rubbing in my cycle shoes would later rub the pads of my feet raw.

The beginning of the bike I was conservative to catch my breath. The first big climb is a false flat out on the highway. I was in quite a bit of traffic for the first time. The entire bike I was with tons of people. I could see a rainbow of jerseys ahead of me and knew there was a sea of people behind me. Going up a hill I was coming up behind a guy, I burned some energy and passed him as I was within drafting distance. As I passed him someone passed me and yelled to the guy "Pick up the pace dude, you just got checked by a chick" it made me laugh and gave me some motivation to dig deeper.

Nothing major to report in the bike. I kept a steady pace, picked up the pace after mile 25. The ride back in on the high way is smooth and fast. A few climbs, but the wind is at your back. It dawned on me that I really didn't know how to handle passing and avoiding drafting. I've never stayed with the pack before. Thanks to all my friends who have taught me proper bike gearing on rolling hills. I had a fun time gaining speed in the downhill passing everyone coasting and having great power and momentum going up the hills. It was awesome to be doing the passing and not being passed. I rolled through a small crowd and passed a pack of guys, some little kid screamed "girls rule." I thought "so this is what racing feels like." The last 5 miles I slowed down a bit, but still finished strong.

As I was running my bike into transition (um I'm pretty sure I've never run my bike through transition) this guy stopped without notice in front of me. My front tire hit his leg and he yelled at me. The stop of momentum caused my bike to fly on its side and a piece flew off. I picked up the piece and my bike and ran in front of him. I tried to clean my feet off more and took off on the run. The first half mile felt good, I was running a good pace. Then a cramp in my aductor kicked in and I walked to stretch it out. I knew that stopping to stretch would make something else cramp up. Best to take some more salt and just walk it off. A pack of three, that I recognized from the bike jogged by and said how strong and amazing I looked on the bike when I passed them, which was nice.

I was following my nutrition as written and my stomach was NOT happy. I couldn't find a groove to run at all, the pads of my feet were on fire, so I was trying my best to keep moving forward. Finally about mile 4 I realized that when I train with cola it goes flat in my water bottle. The cola on the course is fresh out of the bottle and full of fizz. Once I realized this I stopped the cola and took in perform instead. It took about 2 miles to work itself out, then I was able to start running. I ran, well jogged, almost the entire last 6 miles. Unfortunately I just couldn't get a faster pace going. I guess to look at the positive, I wasn't shuffling, I was picking my feet up, just slowly. LOL The second loop of the run was desolate. Oh yes, this is the race I know. I just kept chugging along, keeping a guy with a yellow shirt in view for most of the rest of the race. I couldn't take anymore sweet liquid so I lived off water and salt. Oh and every aid station, I asked the volunteer to dump ice down my back. It worked well to keep me cool as it was getting hot.

I had accidentally hit pause instead of lap on my watch so it stopped, I didn't realize it until about mile 5 on the bike. So I really had no clue what my time was, just a best estimate. So I had no clue if I was within time or not. I keep thinking every Ironman truck rolling by was going to have a guy pop out to take my timing chip.

I was really disappointed with the fail on the run. The rest of the race had been pretty well executed. Then it hit me. Triathlon is kind of like the golf saying "drive for show, putt for dough" as the bike is where you can show off, but the run will make or break you. Same with golf, show off with your crazy drives, but if you can't putt and play the shots 100 yards out, you're never going to have great scores.

I started playing the what ifs for my race in Arizona and decided to just shut my head off and finish. I came into the finisher's chute and saw Jereme, then Brian, Kelly, Ryan, Ana, Polly and Amanda. It was so nice to have a group waiting for me and made me smile. I saw Jaime at the end as I got my finisher's medal and hat. It was a good day. I PR'd by 41 minutes over my Cedar Point time and I finished with a smile (not that you really can compare one course to another).

I wasn't feeling good about the race because of my run. I talked to my coach and he said he was pleased. I said you're the expert in this, if you're pleased, I will be too.