I'm so fucking sick of cars coming up behind you when you're riding and honking. Are you trying to let me know you're there? Is it your passive aggressive way of saying you hate cyclists. Either way, fucking knock it off! I'm aware of when a car is coming, honking just scares me a tiny bit and makes me jump, so enough already. I suspect the cars that then floor it as they pass are just being assholes.
It was a windy and cold day today. I had my head up my ass when I left this morning and forgot dry (and warm!) clothes to wear after my studio ride as we rode more outside. Fuck, I'm not ready for this cold weather. And I'm certainly too stubborn to turn the heat on in the house, it's only 5 days into October for fuck's sake. I've been too sappy lately in my posts, so the fbombs are back.
Thank you to my friend Tracy for swimming with me on Sundays, keeps me accountable when I'm just ready to be done.
To the crazy lady who decided to sneak in my lane, you're damn right I'm not afraid to splash you with my paddles while you try to keep your hair dry. Go share a lane with the guy that bounces for 10 minutes between laps.
I'm glad Tracy got to witness the Aqua dancer today. This old lady has a lollipop in her mouth and is listening to music while she busts out some Napoleon Dynamite moves in the pool. Oh yeah, she's also sporting sunglasses too. Cracks my shit up every Sunday. Get down with your bad self.
My friend Doozie told me I've gotten so much faster on the bike this past year. Thanks for taking time to tell me :-)
Just proving triathletes aren't always assholes.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Suffering is not pointless
I cannot thank everyone for their support following my last blog post. I felt so loved and protected and for that I am grateful, as those are two emotions I've not always experienced. Some friends reached out saying they weren't sure what to say.
There's really nothing you need to say. And I don't know about you, but sexual molestation and struggles with being fat, um, two awkward topics. What do you say? Selfishly, I post these blogs for me, to get out what I'm working on, to document my progress, pains, struggles and triumphs. I've always said that if something I am going through helps someone else, even in the smallest way, like to make them laugh or think "thank goodness I'm not like that," then it's a dual purpose.
I've come to recognize over the last few years that everything happens for a reason, no suffering is pointless. It's not always something you can embrace when you're going through the shit, but on the other side, it becomes clear. Just like when Tim Robbins' character crawled through 500 yards of shit to get out of Shawshank prison to freedom on the other side. It wasn't a coincidence that he left during a storm, the water cleaning him when he reached the end of the tunnel (it was the writer's infusion of symbolism :-}). Although sometimes I know this to be true, I still struggle with taking the leap of faith at times and embracing it and feeling it in my soul.
From what I can string together, here's what I think. I experienced this as a child, developed mechanisms to cope, which turned into great codependency. Because I was severely codependent I found myself best friends with an addict. Through my friendship with this addict I developed an understanding of addiction and the tools to cope with this through my discovery of Alanon. Through my work in Alanon I have started unlocking the gates to entire new me. This new me found my way to a job that I love and a life of purpose, knowing this is EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be. All the pain and suffering was not without purpose.
When I first entered into Alanon, I had to find a connection with a higher power in order to work the program. Well, I really struggled with this. I had been raised Catholic, so I figured that higher power should be God. I then identified that I resented God. How could God, who was supposed to protect those who believed in Him, loved Him, let such horrible things happen to a young girl like what happened to me? Sparing you the details, with the help of Alanon and others I forgave and found a conscious contact with a God that I believe in.
If you know me well, you know that I don't speak much of religion or politics with many people, that's just me. But I have been yearning for a deeper connection to my God and have been struggling with how to find this.
Some good friends reached out me after my blog post to join them at church today. Without much thought, I accepted. The church was 180 from what I was used to growing up Catholic. But wanting to deepen this connection, I went with an open mind.
I would have sworn the topic was hand picked for me. Just another God moment that I've come to love and appreciate.
"...Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5
Thank you for Mark Vroregop for sharing this message. It was exactly what I need for my head to catch up to my heart, the right words to explain what I knew in my heart, but couldn't quite express in a logical manner.
For the first time in my life, I finally love everything that I am and everything that I know I'm still to become. I know that my journey is still unfolding, the end game will always be an unknown, the end game might not even come clear until after I've left this body. As someone 15 years younger than me once said "Until I love myself, I don't have enough love in my cup to share with others."
To everyone that has shared their love with me until I had the strength and conviction to love myself, thank you. To all my friends struggling, I do now love myself and my cup runneth over, with love to share to you. So borrow my love to get through these difficult times and find comfort in knowing that your suffering is not pointless, have hope that it's taking you to a better you.
To pull from one of my favorite songs by Dave Matthews Band "What I want is what I've not got, but what I need is all around me."
There's really nothing you need to say. And I don't know about you, but sexual molestation and struggles with being fat, um, two awkward topics. What do you say? Selfishly, I post these blogs for me, to get out what I'm working on, to document my progress, pains, struggles and triumphs. I've always said that if something I am going through helps someone else, even in the smallest way, like to make them laugh or think "thank goodness I'm not like that," then it's a dual purpose.
I've come to recognize over the last few years that everything happens for a reason, no suffering is pointless. It's not always something you can embrace when you're going through the shit, but on the other side, it becomes clear. Just like when Tim Robbins' character crawled through 500 yards of shit to get out of Shawshank prison to freedom on the other side. It wasn't a coincidence that he left during a storm, the water cleaning him when he reached the end of the tunnel (it was the writer's infusion of symbolism :-}). Although sometimes I know this to be true, I still struggle with taking the leap of faith at times and embracing it and feeling it in my soul.
From what I can string together, here's what I think. I experienced this as a child, developed mechanisms to cope, which turned into great codependency. Because I was severely codependent I found myself best friends with an addict. Through my friendship with this addict I developed an understanding of addiction and the tools to cope with this through my discovery of Alanon. Through my work in Alanon I have started unlocking the gates to entire new me. This new me found my way to a job that I love and a life of purpose, knowing this is EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be. All the pain and suffering was not without purpose.
When I first entered into Alanon, I had to find a connection with a higher power in order to work the program. Well, I really struggled with this. I had been raised Catholic, so I figured that higher power should be God. I then identified that I resented God. How could God, who was supposed to protect those who believed in Him, loved Him, let such horrible things happen to a young girl like what happened to me? Sparing you the details, with the help of Alanon and others I forgave and found a conscious contact with a God that I believe in.
If you know me well, you know that I don't speak much of religion or politics with many people, that's just me. But I have been yearning for a deeper connection to my God and have been struggling with how to find this.
Some good friends reached out me after my blog post to join them at church today. Without much thought, I accepted. The church was 180 from what I was used to growing up Catholic. But wanting to deepen this connection, I went with an open mind.
I would have sworn the topic was hand picked for me. Just another God moment that I've come to love and appreciate.
"...Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5
Thank you for Mark Vroregop for sharing this message. It was exactly what I need for my head to catch up to my heart, the right words to explain what I knew in my heart, but couldn't quite express in a logical manner.
For the first time in my life, I finally love everything that I am and everything that I know I'm still to become. I know that my journey is still unfolding, the end game will always be an unknown, the end game might not even come clear until after I've left this body. As someone 15 years younger than me once said "Until I love myself, I don't have enough love in my cup to share with others."
To everyone that has shared their love with me until I had the strength and conviction to love myself, thank you. To all my friends struggling, I do now love myself and my cup runneth over, with love to share to you. So borrow my love to get through these difficult times and find comfort in knowing that your suffering is not pointless, have hope that it's taking you to a better you.
To pull from one of my favorite songs by Dave Matthews Band "What I want is what I've not got, but what I need is all around me."
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Fear unmasked
This morning was a good one. I saw Jesse at one of our BoMF runs and decided today was the day. I asked him if he wanted to do a run/walk as he was ready, he is one of the fastest walkers. The thing I love about Jesse is he has a positive attitude. He always has a smile and has been willing to do anything we ask of him. I reassured him we'd take it block by block, go at the speed he was comfortable at. It was his first time running with BoMF and he was so proud, the smile never left his face, even though it was humid and he was feeling every step. He said "I'm feeling so alive." I loved that moment, so proud of him and he was so proud of himself, as he should be!
As I run on Wednesdays with the team, I run past Roberts Park Church. That is where my life changed exactly five years ago. After Labor Day in 2009, just before my 30th birthday, I went to my first running class with Coach Hathaway. I had accepted an invitation to run a half marathon that following March, I hadn't run since middle school soccer and field hockey, and for some reason I thought I was going to tackle 13.1 miles?! At the end of our class we went for a group run. I knew I would start out in the walking group, I made it about a half of a mile and had to turn back. My ankles and shins were so tight and I was in so much pain. I went in and told the coach I was quitting. He told me to come back, it would get easier.
Little did I realize this was going to be the first step toward the rest of my life. Just like our team members, sometimes they realize it and sometimes they don't, but it's the first step to a new person.
Early on, growing up I was an average kid, you look at pictures, I even look average. But, behind closed doors, where no one, not even my parents knew, something not average was happening. Someone that I should be able to trust was sexually molesting me. Someone that should be protecting me was forever changing the course of my life. Looking back at pictures, I know exactly when it stopped. From one school year to the next I ballooned up. Between 5 and 6. What I didn't realize at the time it was that was a subconscious way of protecting myself from ever being hurt like that again. Growing up, I grew out, always one of the largest kids in the grade. Out of this, grew coping mechanisms. My humor and my care for others (which would later develop into severe codependency) were things I used to get people to like me and accept me despite looking different from others.
With this came struggle with my weight, not remembering what it was to be a "normal" size or do things with ease that other kids my age were doing. But out of that came my stick-to-itness, fuck-it and don't quit attitude. Everyone that struggles with body image, regardless of why or how and has issues. Mine was I never knew any different from what I could remember, so these masks that I had developed, became permanent to who I was.
When the molestation came out many years later and I faced this person, I thought the shackles that kept me prisoner in my own body would magically disappear. I thought that it would be the key to losing this weight that I carried for far too long. But I quickly realized it didn't happen like that. I had developed these masks and it had become who I was, maybe even who I was destined to be. My habits weren't going to change overnight just because I had been freed from carrying this secret.
I tried to make changes. But I started unwinding this huge entwined ball of fear. Who was I without the weight? Would I really find happiness on the other side? Would I really find a healthy relationship with a man that I thought I deserved? What about having to get some reconstructive surgery? What if people didn't like me anymore? Even stupid shit like people knew me with big boobs, what would happen when they disappeared? What personality was really hiding under all this fat? Even though I had identified this I let the fear of the unknown cripple me.
Five years ago, when I accepted this challenge of a half marathon, I had no clue I'd start facing these fears head on. I just knew I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was after preparing for my first Alanon lead that I realized what I was up against, why the fear froze me and that I needed to surrender. Once I said the word surrender, it started for feel more freeing and less scary.
So fast forward five years, I have made so much progress, yet really none at all. While I've lost nearly 45 pounds and can now completed a 140.6 mile Ironman, I still face fear. I still can't quite break the plateau and lose the rest of the weight. I am proud to post pictures of my transformation as I love looking at other's pictures. Yet, I get so incredibly uncomfortable when anyone wants to talk about the transformation in person. I think it's because I'm faced head on with the shame that I was ever that person to begin with and that I haven't made more progress in that amount of time.
I realize the fear is deeper than I first recognized and that it has somewhat morphed. I realized in July that I do triathlon because I love it. I also realized that if I lose weight, it makes something I love so much easier. That makes the weight loss about a calculated and precise outcome. I'll get faster. Period. It's physics. It takes the unknown out of the fear of weight loss; such as will I finally meet a mate (because if I get the "why are you still single? you're too great to not be with someone" line again I'm going to go ape shit!), will my personality change? I don't know those answers and have been too scared to see what they are. And as I type this, these questions out loud sound so ridiculous to me, but they are questions that scare the shit out of me.
I started writing this blog because I wanted to be honest with myself. It has helped me heal in so many ways. It has keep me real with myself. And from what people tell me, it has inspired many, some are faces I'll never know. But much like the molestation, it pushed me into a mold that I didn't realize, intend or pick on my own. It has brought my story to the attention of many, an attention I wasn't prepared for or wanted, but I'm not going to lie, I love knowing so many people in the sport! This story I've shared and my attitude has caught the attention of some people at WTC (and Ironband) that has made my journey unlike ANYONE else in the sport to come thus far.
At races I'm that noticeably the slowest, largest and most out of place person there. I've accepted that. And I've embraced that. Although with it comes a lot of snickers, shocked looks and reactions and judgment behind your back; it also comes with a lot of praise, support and accolades. So if I get faster, get thinner, then I disappear into the crowd. I'm just another average triathlete racing. I realize after some shit that happened this season, I'm really okay with that. But it's just another mask I'll have to shed but first I had to identify the fear behind it.
Today after running with Jesse, I ran some on my own to get the rest of my workout in. Maybe it was the high I got from watching Jesse try something and succeed, maybe it was the 3 cups of coffee I had in between, maybe it was the conversation I had with a dear friend, whatever it was, I was running sub 12 minute miles for 5 miles to finish my workout. For the first time in my life, I got that runner's high as I had a full running stride. Not just a fast jog, not a shuffle, but a full out run; when I saw my legs in a store window, I didn't recognize them or the stride.
What a long way from that girl who couldn't walk a half mile at an 18 minute pace without being miserable. All it took was to break apart FEAR.
Instead of Fuck Everything and Run
I'm choosing
Face Everything and Recover
The journey is far from over. As I see it, it's just beginning. Just as I'm happy to help those around me in BoMF keep at it and pushing themselves, I'm so very glad that Coach Hathaway (Rest in Peace) told me to keep coming back.
As I run on Wednesdays with the team, I run past Roberts Park Church. That is where my life changed exactly five years ago. After Labor Day in 2009, just before my 30th birthday, I went to my first running class with Coach Hathaway. I had accepted an invitation to run a half marathon that following March, I hadn't run since middle school soccer and field hockey, and for some reason I thought I was going to tackle 13.1 miles?! At the end of our class we went for a group run. I knew I would start out in the walking group, I made it about a half of a mile and had to turn back. My ankles and shins were so tight and I was in so much pain. I went in and told the coach I was quitting. He told me to come back, it would get easier.
Little did I realize this was going to be the first step toward the rest of my life. Just like our team members, sometimes they realize it and sometimes they don't, but it's the first step to a new person.
Early on, growing up I was an average kid, you look at pictures, I even look average. But, behind closed doors, where no one, not even my parents knew, something not average was happening. Someone that I should be able to trust was sexually molesting me. Someone that should be protecting me was forever changing the course of my life. Looking back at pictures, I know exactly when it stopped. From one school year to the next I ballooned up. Between 5 and 6. What I didn't realize at the time it was that was a subconscious way of protecting myself from ever being hurt like that again. Growing up, I grew out, always one of the largest kids in the grade. Out of this, grew coping mechanisms. My humor and my care for others (which would later develop into severe codependency) were things I used to get people to like me and accept me despite looking different from others.
With this came struggle with my weight, not remembering what it was to be a "normal" size or do things with ease that other kids my age were doing. But out of that came my stick-to-itness, fuck-it and don't quit attitude. Everyone that struggles with body image, regardless of why or how and has issues. Mine was I never knew any different from what I could remember, so these masks that I had developed, became permanent to who I was.
When the molestation came out many years later and I faced this person, I thought the shackles that kept me prisoner in my own body would magically disappear. I thought that it would be the key to losing this weight that I carried for far too long. But I quickly realized it didn't happen like that. I had developed these masks and it had become who I was, maybe even who I was destined to be. My habits weren't going to change overnight just because I had been freed from carrying this secret.
I tried to make changes. But I started unwinding this huge entwined ball of fear. Who was I without the weight? Would I really find happiness on the other side? Would I really find a healthy relationship with a man that I thought I deserved? What about having to get some reconstructive surgery? What if people didn't like me anymore? Even stupid shit like people knew me with big boobs, what would happen when they disappeared? What personality was really hiding under all this fat? Even though I had identified this I let the fear of the unknown cripple me.
Five years ago, when I accepted this challenge of a half marathon, I had no clue I'd start facing these fears head on. I just knew I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was after preparing for my first Alanon lead that I realized what I was up against, why the fear froze me and that I needed to surrender. Once I said the word surrender, it started for feel more freeing and less scary.
So fast forward five years, I have made so much progress, yet really none at all. While I've lost nearly 45 pounds and can now completed a 140.6 mile Ironman, I still face fear. I still can't quite break the plateau and lose the rest of the weight. I am proud to post pictures of my transformation as I love looking at other's pictures. Yet, I get so incredibly uncomfortable when anyone wants to talk about the transformation in person. I think it's because I'm faced head on with the shame that I was ever that person to begin with and that I haven't made more progress in that amount of time.
I realize the fear is deeper than I first recognized and that it has somewhat morphed. I realized in July that I do triathlon because I love it. I also realized that if I lose weight, it makes something I love so much easier. That makes the weight loss about a calculated and precise outcome. I'll get faster. Period. It's physics. It takes the unknown out of the fear of weight loss; such as will I finally meet a mate (because if I get the "why are you still single? you're too great to not be with someone" line again I'm going to go ape shit!), will my personality change? I don't know those answers and have been too scared to see what they are. And as I type this, these questions out loud sound so ridiculous to me, but they are questions that scare the shit out of me.
I started writing this blog because I wanted to be honest with myself. It has helped me heal in so many ways. It has keep me real with myself. And from what people tell me, it has inspired many, some are faces I'll never know. But much like the molestation, it pushed me into a mold that I didn't realize, intend or pick on my own. It has brought my story to the attention of many, an attention I wasn't prepared for or wanted, but I'm not going to lie, I love knowing so many people in the sport! This story I've shared and my attitude has caught the attention of some people at WTC (and Ironband) that has made my journey unlike ANYONE else in the sport to come thus far.
At races I'm that noticeably the slowest, largest and most out of place person there. I've accepted that. And I've embraced that. Although with it comes a lot of snickers, shocked looks and reactions and judgment behind your back; it also comes with a lot of praise, support and accolades. So if I get faster, get thinner, then I disappear into the crowd. I'm just another average triathlete racing. I realize after some shit that happened this season, I'm really okay with that. But it's just another mask I'll have to shed but first I had to identify the fear behind it.
Today after running with Jesse, I ran some on my own to get the rest of my workout in. Maybe it was the high I got from watching Jesse try something and succeed, maybe it was the 3 cups of coffee I had in between, maybe it was the conversation I had with a dear friend, whatever it was, I was running sub 12 minute miles for 5 miles to finish my workout. For the first time in my life, I got that runner's high as I had a full running stride. Not just a fast jog, not a shuffle, but a full out run; when I saw my legs in a store window, I didn't recognize them or the stride.
What a long way from that girl who couldn't walk a half mile at an 18 minute pace without being miserable. All it took was to break apart FEAR.
Instead of Fuck Everything and Run
I'm choosing
Face Everything and Recover
The journey is far from over. As I see it, it's just beginning. Just as I'm happy to help those around me in BoMF keep at it and pushing themselves, I'm so very glad that Coach Hathaway (Rest in Peace) told me to keep coming back.
Monday, July 21, 2014
A puke and rally fail
Racine was a last minute add. Well, last minute as in the last three weeks. I registered so late I didn't even have my name on my bib, wasn't on the t-shirt and had to fill out my medical form when I arrived.
The weather shaped up for a great race day. It was a pretty smooth swim, not the waves like usual, the bike was mild and the run wasn't nearly as hot as previous years.
I had a great weekend. Good company, great to see the crew: Glenn, David, BMayes and Tom (the carny as I found out they sometimes call themselves. lol) and I finally realized why I do triathlon.
I've struggled since I started to really be able to answer anyone when they ask "Why." Well, it came to me in a moment of clarity in the shower Saturday morning. I do it because it makes me happy.
Saturday night after my usual pre-race meal I wasn't feeling super swell. It carried into Sunday morning. My stomach as feeling like it did before RAIN last Saturday. This time I was able to keep food down, but ate super slow and had to take small bites. As we were walking to transition, I started getting cold sweats. It was a perfect morning, no reason for sweating of any kind.
The swim was butt ass cold at 61.4 degrees. I wore my wetsuit, a single cap, ear plugs and booties. It took me about 500 meters to get my shit together and keep my face consistently in the water, before that it was a lot shitty freestyle mixed with breast stroke. I think a lot of people were on the struggle bus as the water was pretty choppy and so that didn't feel so great on my stomach. After that I probably had the most focused swim I've had yet, I swam buoy to buoy, no stopping or poking around until I got to the orange buoy 6. (Shiny object moment: There are no greater sights in a triathlon than the finish line and the first orange buoy. That's the buoy that means you're halfway.)
I started getting cramps in my hamstrings, a new one for me. The kind of cramps where your entire leg freezes up and you get this second of panic that you'll sink. But you bob in your wetsuit and stretch. Happened a few times then I was back on my way. My swim was meh. 5 minutes slower than goal. It's a pretty long climb off the beach and back to transition.
I saw Glenn in transition and he told me I can pick it up on the bike. I headed out on the bike and my stomach wasn't feeling great. The bike course has a lot of bumps in the pavement, but nothing much worse than what we ride every day in the country roads. But the bumps didn't make for fun times with my stomach. I feel some cramps coming on my calves and Achilles. I took some extra salt to stay ahead of it. The entire ride the cramps never set in, just teased. The first 20 miles I had a very consistent pain in my lower right side. It felt like I was going to give birth to the devil or something with horns out my side. After the first aid station it went away. My stomach still hurt but there would be stretches of 4 or 5 minutes when I felt okay so I would hammer it. Then I would back off when I wasn't feeling as well. There were a few false flat hills but other than that, bike wasn't bad. A lot of turns, but most of them wide and gravel free. I played cat and mouse with a few people and then finally pulled ahead. (A few of them later told me when they passed me on the run that once I pulled away I was GONE, I told them and you're catching me on the run; bike for show, run for dough.) I knew my bike wasn't as strong as it should have been but it wasn't awful. I saw BMayes twice on the bike and it made me smile. (Another shiny object moment: I was disappointed to see how many people had ear buds for the bike and the run. Doesn't anyone follow the rules?)
As I was coming into transition I knew that between cramps and my stomach I was going to have to piece a miracle together to make this run happen. I said a little prayer to God as I got off. I ran past Tom and he said he was going to radio to David that I was off the bike, I heard it as I ran off and it made me smile. I was behind my goal time on the swim and bike, but not by too much, a sub 8 hour finish was still in the cards. That was my goal for the day, which few people knew.
I stuck to my 3/1 plan on the run. Taking a few more walk breaks in the first mile to catch my breath. As I got to mile two the cramps started working themselves out and my legs started to feeling better. The first mile was the slowest and then I started picking up pace. I even got to see Brian finishing the run, which I don't think has ever happened. Hitting 15's at the end of mile 3. Legs were actually feeling good and dropping to a sub 15 between 3 and 4. Then before mile 4 I felt my stomach wasn't going to cooperate unless I did something. I stopped at a Port O Let and nothing. I was just shy of mile marker 4 and was doubled over thinking I was going to puke. Someone screamed "puke and rally." Which was my plan. I decided to move over the side of the road and I started throwing up. 3 or 4 times, I lost count, but bad enough that another athlete felt the need to tell medic, who came up behind me. They gave me some perform to drink, I took a few sips down and felt better. I actually started running and feeling okay. Sweet, puke and rally worked! So maybe a sub 8 is gone, but a PR (from 8:19 in Cedar Point) is totally still do-able.
Then sometime after 4.5 I puked up the perform. I sipped some water and walked toward mile 5. Then I puked again. I sat on the curb this time and put my head down. Someone came by and said "turn your head, your shoes are too pretty to puke on." lol The medic came by again and gave me perform. I walked toward the turn around, but as I got to the zoo, I threw up again. So talked to the medic AGAIN and decided to walk in to the medic station at the finish line and call it a day. I was so hoping I would run into someone I knew to talk it through logically, did I have to quit? Couldn't I keep going?
I started sobbing like a baby at that point. The stubborn side of me DID NOT want to quit. I had 3 hours until the course closed, plenty of time to walk the rest of the race. But was it smart to walk that far if I couldn't keep liquids down? I felt okay otherwise and was walking at an okay pace. But what would I be like in 2 hours?
Some lady stopped and asked what was wrong. I told her, she said try flat coke, always soothes upset stomachs. Oh yeah! The one thing I hadn't tried. That would work! I walked past the finish line and headed to the aid station at the run turn around. I took some flat coke and sipped it slowly as I walked up the hill toward the rest of the run course. Then I started cramping in my calves. I got maybe .25 miles and it started to come back up. Fuck. It didn't work. And now I'm cramping with no way to stop it.
So I turned around and walked with people who were less than half a mile from finishing their race (or starting their 2nd lap). Since I still had my timing chip on, I took the path that was above the finish line and walked through the park to the medic tent. I sat down and immediately starting crying so hard they couldn't understand a single word I was saying. Crying although no tears were coming out, I'm not sure I've ever experienced that. I was SO DISAPPOINTED to end the day this way. They gave me an anti-nausea medicine and made me drink perform before I could leave.
As I left the medic tent I ran into Glenn. He gave me the biggest hug as I started crying again. He gave me the best pep talk. Asking me what were my goals for the year? Finish IMKS and IMAZ. Racine wasn't in there, this was an add-on. It doesn't matter. I'm half way to my goal, focus on that. He and David couldn't wait to greet me at the finish in Arizona. They didn't love me any less because of today. He said something that made me laugh and cry. As I handed Glenn my timing chip, I joked that we should find Tom to come take it since he's always taken it before. hahaha
Such good people. I got a nice text from David and a message from BMayes. Lots of encouraging messages from people. One of our Resident Members wrote me a super sweet note about how I inspire her. Tri Brian was kind enough to get all my shit out of transition earlier in the day and assured me that a DNF didn't matter and not to think twice about it. I give Brian a lot of shit, but when it matters he's always there to support me.
I thought back over my race, a sub 8 was not impossible, even if it was a slow day for me based on time. I need to let this go. Learn from it what I can, go see a dr. to see what the issue is and keep moving forward. Keep working on improving so that finish in Arizona is a great as it can be. Not to be on the struggle bus, enjoy the day, smile and race. Celebrate the glory with people who are as excited as I am for the finish.
Disappointed my puke and rally days might be over. I could rally like a champ in my drinking days.
There was an opportunity to post this on an Ironman board today. While there's still a lot of work to be done, I can't forget to look back at progress and use that to inspire me to keep moving forward. Lots of great things ahead.
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The weather shaped up for a great race day. It was a pretty smooth swim, not the waves like usual, the bike was mild and the run wasn't nearly as hot as previous years.
I had a great weekend. Good company, great to see the crew: Glenn, David, BMayes and Tom (the carny as I found out they sometimes call themselves. lol) and I finally realized why I do triathlon.
I've struggled since I started to really be able to answer anyone when they ask "Why." Well, it came to me in a moment of clarity in the shower Saturday morning. I do it because it makes me happy.
Saturday night after my usual pre-race meal I wasn't feeling super swell. It carried into Sunday morning. My stomach as feeling like it did before RAIN last Saturday. This time I was able to keep food down, but ate super slow and had to take small bites. As we were walking to transition, I started getting cold sweats. It was a perfect morning, no reason for sweating of any kind.
The swim was butt ass cold at 61.4 degrees. I wore my wetsuit, a single cap, ear plugs and booties. It took me about 500 meters to get my shit together and keep my face consistently in the water, before that it was a lot shitty freestyle mixed with breast stroke. I think a lot of people were on the struggle bus as the water was pretty choppy and so that didn't feel so great on my stomach. After that I probably had the most focused swim I've had yet, I swam buoy to buoy, no stopping or poking around until I got to the orange buoy 6. (Shiny object moment: There are no greater sights in a triathlon than the finish line and the first orange buoy. That's the buoy that means you're halfway.)
I started getting cramps in my hamstrings, a new one for me. The kind of cramps where your entire leg freezes up and you get this second of panic that you'll sink. But you bob in your wetsuit and stretch. Happened a few times then I was back on my way. My swim was meh. 5 minutes slower than goal. It's a pretty long climb off the beach and back to transition.
I saw Glenn in transition and he told me I can pick it up on the bike. I headed out on the bike and my stomach wasn't feeling great. The bike course has a lot of bumps in the pavement, but nothing much worse than what we ride every day in the country roads. But the bumps didn't make for fun times with my stomach. I feel some cramps coming on my calves and Achilles. I took some extra salt to stay ahead of it. The entire ride the cramps never set in, just teased. The first 20 miles I had a very consistent pain in my lower right side. It felt like I was going to give birth to the devil or something with horns out my side. After the first aid station it went away. My stomach still hurt but there would be stretches of 4 or 5 minutes when I felt okay so I would hammer it. Then I would back off when I wasn't feeling as well. There were a few false flat hills but other than that, bike wasn't bad. A lot of turns, but most of them wide and gravel free. I played cat and mouse with a few people and then finally pulled ahead. (A few of them later told me when they passed me on the run that once I pulled away I was GONE, I told them and you're catching me on the run; bike for show, run for dough.) I knew my bike wasn't as strong as it should have been but it wasn't awful. I saw BMayes twice on the bike and it made me smile. (Another shiny object moment: I was disappointed to see how many people had ear buds for the bike and the run. Doesn't anyone follow the rules?)
As I was coming into transition I knew that between cramps and my stomach I was going to have to piece a miracle together to make this run happen. I said a little prayer to God as I got off. I ran past Tom and he said he was going to radio to David that I was off the bike, I heard it as I ran off and it made me smile. I was behind my goal time on the swim and bike, but not by too much, a sub 8 hour finish was still in the cards. That was my goal for the day, which few people knew.
I stuck to my 3/1 plan on the run. Taking a few more walk breaks in the first mile to catch my breath. As I got to mile two the cramps started working themselves out and my legs started to feeling better. The first mile was the slowest and then I started picking up pace. I even got to see Brian finishing the run, which I don't think has ever happened. Hitting 15's at the end of mile 3. Legs were actually feeling good and dropping to a sub 15 between 3 and 4. Then before mile 4 I felt my stomach wasn't going to cooperate unless I did something. I stopped at a Port O Let and nothing. I was just shy of mile marker 4 and was doubled over thinking I was going to puke. Someone screamed "puke and rally." Which was my plan. I decided to move over the side of the road and I started throwing up. 3 or 4 times, I lost count, but bad enough that another athlete felt the need to tell medic, who came up behind me. They gave me some perform to drink, I took a few sips down and felt better. I actually started running and feeling okay. Sweet, puke and rally worked! So maybe a sub 8 is gone, but a PR (from 8:19 in Cedar Point) is totally still do-able.
Then sometime after 4.5 I puked up the perform. I sipped some water and walked toward mile 5. Then I puked again. I sat on the curb this time and put my head down. Someone came by and said "turn your head, your shoes are too pretty to puke on." lol The medic came by again and gave me perform. I walked toward the turn around, but as I got to the zoo, I threw up again. So talked to the medic AGAIN and decided to walk in to the medic station at the finish line and call it a day. I was so hoping I would run into someone I knew to talk it through logically, did I have to quit? Couldn't I keep going?
I started sobbing like a baby at that point. The stubborn side of me DID NOT want to quit. I had 3 hours until the course closed, plenty of time to walk the rest of the race. But was it smart to walk that far if I couldn't keep liquids down? I felt okay otherwise and was walking at an okay pace. But what would I be like in 2 hours?
Some lady stopped and asked what was wrong. I told her, she said try flat coke, always soothes upset stomachs. Oh yeah! The one thing I hadn't tried. That would work! I walked past the finish line and headed to the aid station at the run turn around. I took some flat coke and sipped it slowly as I walked up the hill toward the rest of the run course. Then I started cramping in my calves. I got maybe .25 miles and it started to come back up. Fuck. It didn't work. And now I'm cramping with no way to stop it.
So I turned around and walked with people who were less than half a mile from finishing their race (or starting their 2nd lap). Since I still had my timing chip on, I took the path that was above the finish line and walked through the park to the medic tent. I sat down and immediately starting crying so hard they couldn't understand a single word I was saying. Crying although no tears were coming out, I'm not sure I've ever experienced that. I was SO DISAPPOINTED to end the day this way. They gave me an anti-nausea medicine and made me drink perform before I could leave.
As I left the medic tent I ran into Glenn. He gave me the biggest hug as I started crying again. He gave me the best pep talk. Asking me what were my goals for the year? Finish IMKS and IMAZ. Racine wasn't in there, this was an add-on. It doesn't matter. I'm half way to my goal, focus on that. He and David couldn't wait to greet me at the finish in Arizona. They didn't love me any less because of today. He said something that made me laugh and cry. As I handed Glenn my timing chip, I joked that we should find Tom to come take it since he's always taken it before. hahaha
Such good people. I got a nice text from David and a message from BMayes. Lots of encouraging messages from people. One of our Resident Members wrote me a super sweet note about how I inspire her. Tri Brian was kind enough to get all my shit out of transition earlier in the day and assured me that a DNF didn't matter and not to think twice about it. I give Brian a lot of shit, but when it matters he's always there to support me.
I thought back over my race, a sub 8 was not impossible, even if it was a slow day for me based on time. I need to let this go. Learn from it what I can, go see a dr. to see what the issue is and keep moving forward. Keep working on improving so that finish in Arizona is a great as it can be. Not to be on the struggle bus, enjoy the day, smile and race. Celebrate the glory with people who are as excited as I am for the finish.
Disappointed my puke and rally days might be over. I could rally like a champ in my drinking days.
There was an opportunity to post this on an Ironman board today. While there's still a lot of work to be done, I can't forget to look back at progress and use that to inspire me to keep moving forward. Lots of great things ahead.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
A week in the saddle AKA RAINStorm
Ride your bike 160 miles in one day = RAIN (Ride Across Indiana)
Ride your bike 100 miles a day for 5 days = Storm (Same thing only ride more)
Put them together and what do you get? A shit ton of time in the saddle, err... RAINStorm
I was encouraged to sign up for RS. Figured the person who told me to sign up (*cough* Tri Brian) knew if I could do this or not. So I didn't bother to freak myself out by looking at the elevation gains, the maps, the comments, etc.
I wasn't nervous going into it. I figured I would just chip away at it like I do everything else. Well, I'm going to get the negativity out now, I fucking bit off WAY more than I could chew. I knew that within 50 miles of day one. I won't lie, my initial thoughts were "who's going to come get me as I'm not going to survive this week?" and "What the fuck have I gotten myself into?'
Here's the thing, I took a week of vacation to ride the storm. I told myself before I left, I need to have fun, because it is vacation. If I'm not having fun then why bother. I needed to relax some as this was my break from work and life. I needed to unplug and just enjoy the week and all it had to offer.
Well, I'll save you the suspense. I didn't ride 100 miles a day. I rode 84.5 on average each day M-F. I rode about 60 miles and then caught rides with Bill the mechanic from one SAG stop to the next and then got back on my bike and finished the day. With the exception of Friday, I took SAG rides on the flat parts, so I didn't skip any climbs! Could I have rode the full 100? Absolutely! Would I have enjoyed it as a vacation? No fucking way.
By cutting about 15 miles off each day I was able to get back to the hotel about the same time as most of the group. I was able to shower before dinner and have some down time. I was able to enjoy the ride a little bit more and look around. It felt more like a vacation. I ended up having a great time and meeting some really cool people from all over the country. I ended up being the youngest one there with probably the least amount of biking experience. The week was full of some really amazingly strong riders, some hysterical people and supportive souls.
Saturday was a total bust. Thursday and Friday mornings my stomach was a bit unsettled as I ate breakfast. So when I couldn't get anything down on Saturday morning before RAIN, I wasn't surprised, I took it with me and figured I could get some down on the bike. I took off and about mile 5 I was finally able to get a sip of nutrition down. Then the 2nd sip came back up. So I took some water with Scratch. That came back up as well as did some of my dinner.
After about an hour of throwing up, I had to make a decision. I wanted to go as far as I could, but I knew that another 144 wasn't in the cards since I was already behind in nutrition. There were plenty of RAIN personal SAG vehicles, but no official ones. STORM has some SAG drivers out that can come get us. I knew that they hadn't left the hotel yet, so if I need a ride in, I should call sooner rather than later. I'd hate for them to have to backtrack from Richmond to have to get me. So I call Kathy to come get me and call it at day at mile 16. There's some nice women who give me a bottle of water as they wait for their brother to come through. If I take tiny sips, I can keep plain water down.
Later that night I would be back at the RAIN finish line so Brian can get his extra wheel from someone. I feel this huge punch of regret. The questions start flying "what could I have done differently? Could I have waited an hour and then tried to get something down and keep going?" "Could I have made it to Franklin and bailed at a friend's house?" As we drive back on 40 watching the cyclists ride toward the finish I see my friend that passed me as I was stopped at 16. I saw the group I was riding with that morning and the final twist of the knife makes me sad. I feel like I failed. Well I did fail, because for the first time I quit a race. So many times I've wanted to quit but never did. This time I actually did. It's a shitty feeling. Still, even today.
The week was a wonderful experience. The STORM was so well organized, Kathy and Mark do a wonderful job of mapping everything out. The SAG support from them, Bill, Steve and Larry is incredible. It really is a fun time, even without a beach, sun and water.
I rode 98% of the week by myself. That's a lot of time to be alone with your thoughts. Here are some takeaways from the week:
-Life really is about peaks and valleys. Sometimes you're on top of the world feeling great and other times you're low in the valley facing a terrible, steep climb. In the end, it all evens out.
-The steep climbs are a bitch. I lost my breath, I cursed, my legs ached, sometimes I had to walk my bike and I wanted to stop. But at the top of the steep climbs was usually an amazing view of the world below and a fun and fast decent down the other side. Sometimes we have to wade through shit to get to something good. Something that is usually better than we could ever imagine.
-I have become entirely too cynical and I have allowed others to influence me to suppress my joy. I complained way too much this week. Yes, there's fucking climbs in southern Indiana, it's a fact. Stating that isn't going to make them any better or make them go away. It's like saying "it's hot" well yeah, what's the point. We all know it's hot, saying it isn't going to make it cooler. You're not any hotter than anyone else, so shut up about it already. I will always be sarcastic, it's like a racehorse, it's in my blood. But I don't have to be a bitch. I'm not the nice person I used to be and I need to find that person again.
-After being on my bike for a week, my undercarriage doesn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. Lube up often and early, best advice I'll give.
-The difference between 100 miles a day miserable and 100 miles a day in a vacation-like state is 40lbs. I bought kitty litter before I left and when I picked up the 40lb box it dawned on me that I'm carrying this around with me every where I go. Fuck, that's heavy. So it's time to start focusing on that again. I'm not sure if I've been ignoring it or what, but it needs to be the main focus. Clean eating and lots of water.
-Gratitude is at the heart of everything. I was so full of gratitude the entire week: being mentally, physically, financially and spiritually able to take a week to ride my bike every day. Being grateful that my friends understand why this was a better way for me mentally and physically to spend a week of vacation. Being grateful for the lessons I learned this week and the ones that were reinforced.
This week pushed me outside of comfortable. Just when I think I know my limits, I shove myself out further. Did I have the week I wanted or thought I would performance-wise? No. Did I learn a lot and sharpen my focus? Absolutely.
I know I'm the strongest I've ever been on the bike. I know I'm well ahead of the curve from last year for IMAZ. I know that I can do all my century rides alone this year and I'm only going to get stronger. I know that all the hard work ahead of me, all the steep climbs, heartache and tears are going to provide rewards greater than I could ever imagine. Leading me to the biggest lesson of the week:
I can't quit before the miracle.
I would love to do RAINStorm again next year. However, before I register I have a list of requirements I need to meet, so I had better get cracking.
But up first, Ironman Racine 70.3 on Sunday.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Rainstorm Day 1
To say that it was a windy day is an understatement. The were times I was shouting to the corn fields 'this shit is ridiculous' and it totally took me back to IMKS 2013 with my frustration. Then I remembered this is my vacation and I need to enjoy myself. So my mood lightened. And I decides to sag in the last 15 miles, so I only rode 97. I was afraid of the judgment of ending my day early.
But then said fuck it. It's my vacation. People are going to judge me no matter what I do or don't do and if I don't stop caring I'll never see progression.
So I'm glad I ended up sagging in early. It started POURING and a tree fell on the sag car. Power lines went down and the state inn we we're staying at doesn't have power. It's been almost 4 hours now.
I sure hope we have power by morning!
But then said fuck it. It's my vacation. People are going to judge me no matter what I do or don't do and if I don't stop caring I'll never see progression.
So I'm glad I ended up sagging in early. It started POURING and a tree fell on the sag car. Power lines went down and the state inn we we're staying at doesn't have power. It's been almost 4 hours now.
I sure hope we have power by morning!
Sunday, July 6, 2014
A huge PR in Kansas
So if you read my post from the 2013 IMKS 70.3 race, you understand how much the word "fuck" summarized that day.
I used the word two times on the bike in 2014:
-As I was climbing the same hill I fell on last year it wasn't that difficult of a climb. When I passed the gravel road that I stopped on and fell over last year, I flipped it the bird and sang "Fuuuucccckkkk you."
-As I went down the hill at mile 6 of the bike course, after climbing out of the damn, I screamed "fuuuucckkk yeah."
The bike was challenging but so much fun! I can now see why people think it's a fun bike course. There weren't any wild turkeys crossing my path, I didn't think "are you fucking kidding me" at every turn. I wasn't sick of the wind. It was night and day from the previous year. I passed people, I rode past people walking up hills that I had walked previously and I didn't cramp.
I worked hard in the off season at the Cycle Studio. Sometimes riding as many as 4 times a week. I worked hard at intervals, listened to my coach and the other coaches when they challenged me, I got a compact ring and kept pushing my zones. I'm so close to a 200 Watt TT I can imagine it; I have always sucked at tests.
It paid off and left me wanting more.
I had a decent swim, shaving off 5+ minutes from my 2013 time, I definitely can shave a few more minutes off my swim if I would just stop freaking out when the waves behind me swim into me. My transitions were shorter and I took 1:05 off my bike time. Yes, an hour and five minutes!
My run fell apart. That was actually the other time I said fuck on the course. Brian, Shea and Sara came out on their bikes, I knew that meant I was going slow. I wasn't event really running at that point, I was fucking walking. After the race I told Shea I need a run coach, she said no, you just need to run. Which is the truth. My run was the same time as my run in Cedar Point last year, which is bullshit, because I'm running much faster than last year.
I still finished the race more than an 1:20 faster than 2013. I scored an official finish and I'm so fucking proud of it. Thanks to Chris and Heather who came from an hour of sleep to see me off on the swim and Chris who was the paparazzi taking pictures during the run and at the finish. Thanks to Brian, Shea and Sara for coming out encourage me (and harass!) me on the run and waiting to cheer me on at the finish!
So enough about the race. Let me share some the really fucking cool shit that has happened leading up to this race. I felt like a celebrity at this race, like I was in the Cheers bar and everyone knew my name. I've told a few people this story that didn't realize it and they said I had to share it on the blog, so here it is.
David, Glenn, Tom and Bryan have made a big deal out of me (staff that work Ironman races). I didn't realize until I got to Arizona how much they talk up my story. So David and the Ironband (http://ironbandmusic.com/index.php) caught wind of it. They wrote a song about me. Yeah, I have a music video and everything! I cannot thank all of you enough for making this experience SO unique from everyone's, it's been very cool! <3
Click to watch the video
Take Your Cutoff
http://youtu.be/chdkBEI2J9M
So coming into Kansas I'm so excited to see everyone. I go to the Athlete's Meeting and see David first, he gives me a big hug and we catch up. There's a woman there that is an official, she says "I know your face but don't know who you are." So I give her my name and David tells her how much they love me and that I finished both Kansas and Arizona after they took my timing chip. He said it has always stayed with him how grateful I was when they were there to meet me, I thanked them and had a big smile. They love my attitude.
As I was walking into the store in the village David wished me good luck over the PA. When I went to go buy something in the store, I got a "friend of David's" discount as he knew all about me through the guys.
Before the race I was so glad I got to see everyone else. I ran into Glenn aka the Godfather as he was setting up T1. I ran into Bryan and Tom as they were setting up around T2. I saw David from the Ironband and got to chat with him before the swim. I got another pre-race hug from David Downey before I set up transition.
As my wave got into the water, David wished me good luck on the PA and he told the crowd about me. As I got out of the water they announced I was out and on my way onto the bike as I ran up the yellow brick road carpet to the pavement, which still fucking hurts as much as last year!
Out on the bike Bryan found me a few times and told me I was looking good. I would find out later that he was telling the guys how I was doing.
As I got to mile two of the run, I saw the Godfather and he gave me a big hug. I was running near the run turnaround in the campground and I heard them announcing my name from stage. David was telling everyone that I was last seen on mile 47 on the bike more than an hour ago and I was going to make it to the run. David had no clue where I was on the run and that I could hear him on stage.
Then the coolest God moment happened. Just as I reached the closest point to the stage and finish line from the run at the turnaround point I heard it. The Ironband started playing MY song, the one about me. They had no clue that I was there, but their hope was that I would hear it somehow.
I went through the aid station singing it and telling people it was my song about me. They all started clapping.
As I rounded the last quarter mile before the finish, I was bummed that the award ceremony had already started and David was on stage announcing the winners going to the World Championships in Canada. But as soon as I hit the carpet, which in 2013 was LONG gone by the time I reached that area, I heard it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please pardon the interruption, we have a very special finisher. Our girl Chrissy Vasquez is finishing." David got to announce me from the stage. It was a really awesome and special moment. Tom was at the finish and just before David finished he said "David, guess who's coming to the finish, Chrissy."
Just steps before I reached the official finish my song started. Although the Ironband had to leave, they had downloaded the song and Tom played it as I finished. It gave me goosebumps and a huge smile to sing my song as I crossed the finish. I said to Tom "you didn't have to take my chip this year" and he replied "no way I was going for your chip." I got to say goodbye to Glenn and he said I was their girl and convinced me to sign up for Racine, another race they do. Already can't wait to see them again!
2014 is a year of redemption. I wanted an official finish in Kansas and I got it, taking 1:20 off my time. 1 down, 1 to go! Several months of hard work are in front of me so I can get redemption number 2 at Ironman Arizona in November. Damn it felt good, I can't wait for it again!
I used the word two times on the bike in 2014:
-As I was climbing the same hill I fell on last year it wasn't that difficult of a climb. When I passed the gravel road that I stopped on and fell over last year, I flipped it the bird and sang "Fuuuucccckkkk you."
-As I went down the hill at mile 6 of the bike course, after climbing out of the damn, I screamed "fuuuucckkk yeah."
The bike was challenging but so much fun! I can now see why people think it's a fun bike course. There weren't any wild turkeys crossing my path, I didn't think "are you fucking kidding me" at every turn. I wasn't sick of the wind. It was night and day from the previous year. I passed people, I rode past people walking up hills that I had walked previously and I didn't cramp.
I worked hard in the off season at the Cycle Studio. Sometimes riding as many as 4 times a week. I worked hard at intervals, listened to my coach and the other coaches when they challenged me, I got a compact ring and kept pushing my zones. I'm so close to a 200 Watt TT I can imagine it; I have always sucked at tests.
It paid off and left me wanting more.
I had a decent swim, shaving off 5+ minutes from my 2013 time, I definitely can shave a few more minutes off my swim if I would just stop freaking out when the waves behind me swim into me. My transitions were shorter and I took 1:05 off my bike time. Yes, an hour and five minutes!
My run fell apart. That was actually the other time I said fuck on the course. Brian, Shea and Sara came out on their bikes, I knew that meant I was going slow. I wasn't event really running at that point, I was fucking walking. After the race I told Shea I need a run coach, she said no, you just need to run. Which is the truth. My run was the same time as my run in Cedar Point last year, which is bullshit, because I'm running much faster than last year.
I still finished the race more than an 1:20 faster than 2013. I scored an official finish and I'm so fucking proud of it. Thanks to Chris and Heather who came from an hour of sleep to see me off on the swim and Chris who was the paparazzi taking pictures during the run and at the finish. Thanks to Brian, Shea and Sara for coming out encourage me (and harass!) me on the run and waiting to cheer me on at the finish!
So enough about the race. Let me share some the really fucking cool shit that has happened leading up to this race. I felt like a celebrity at this race, like I was in the Cheers bar and everyone knew my name. I've told a few people this story that didn't realize it and they said I had to share it on the blog, so here it is.
David, Glenn, Tom and Bryan have made a big deal out of me (staff that work Ironman races). I didn't realize until I got to Arizona how much they talk up my story. So David and the Ironband (http://ironbandmusic.com/index.php) caught wind of it. They wrote a song about me. Yeah, I have a music video and everything! I cannot thank all of you enough for making this experience SO unique from everyone's, it's been very cool! <3
Click to watch the video
Take Your Cutoff
http://youtu.be/chdkBEI2J9M
So coming into Kansas I'm so excited to see everyone. I go to the Athlete's Meeting and see David first, he gives me a big hug and we catch up. There's a woman there that is an official, she says "I know your face but don't know who you are." So I give her my name and David tells her how much they love me and that I finished both Kansas and Arizona after they took my timing chip. He said it has always stayed with him how grateful I was when they were there to meet me, I thanked them and had a big smile. They love my attitude.
As I was walking into the store in the village David wished me good luck over the PA. When I went to go buy something in the store, I got a "friend of David's" discount as he knew all about me through the guys.
Before the race I was so glad I got to see everyone else. I ran into Glenn aka the Godfather as he was setting up T1. I ran into Bryan and Tom as they were setting up around T2. I saw David from the Ironband and got to chat with him before the swim. I got another pre-race hug from David Downey before I set up transition.
As my wave got into the water, David wished me good luck on the PA and he told the crowd about me. As I got out of the water they announced I was out and on my way onto the bike as I ran up the yellow brick road carpet to the pavement, which still fucking hurts as much as last year!
Out on the bike Bryan found me a few times and told me I was looking good. I would find out later that he was telling the guys how I was doing.
As I got to mile two of the run, I saw the Godfather and he gave me a big hug. I was running near the run turnaround in the campground and I heard them announcing my name from stage. David was telling everyone that I was last seen on mile 47 on the bike more than an hour ago and I was going to make it to the run. David had no clue where I was on the run and that I could hear him on stage.
Then the coolest God moment happened. Just as I reached the closest point to the stage and finish line from the run at the turnaround point I heard it. The Ironband started playing MY song, the one about me. They had no clue that I was there, but their hope was that I would hear it somehow.
I went through the aid station singing it and telling people it was my song about me. They all started clapping.
As I rounded the last quarter mile before the finish, I was bummed that the award ceremony had already started and David was on stage announcing the winners going to the World Championships in Canada. But as soon as I hit the carpet, which in 2013 was LONG gone by the time I reached that area, I heard it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please pardon the interruption, we have a very special finisher. Our girl Chrissy Vasquez is finishing." David got to announce me from the stage. It was a really awesome and special moment. Tom was at the finish and just before David finished he said "David, guess who's coming to the finish, Chrissy."
Just steps before I reached the official finish my song started. Although the Ironband had to leave, they had downloaded the song and Tom played it as I finished. It gave me goosebumps and a huge smile to sing my song as I crossed the finish. I said to Tom "you didn't have to take my chip this year" and he replied "no way I was going for your chip." I got to say goodbye to Glenn and he said I was their girl and convinced me to sign up for Racine, another race they do. Already can't wait to see them again!
2014 is a year of redemption. I wanted an official finish in Kansas and I got it, taking 1:20 off my time. 1 down, 1 to go! Several months of hard work are in front of me so I can get redemption number 2 at Ironman Arizona in November. Damn it felt good, I can't wait for it again!
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